Here I sit...
I'm unsure of what to write today...it's 6:45am and my dog has once again woken me up, gone outside and then back to bed. I on the other hand, am not so lucky. I can't just crawl back into bed and sleep. I have to many thoughts racing through my head....to many worries and concerns.
When I went to bed last night I couldn't stop thinking about not being able to have a baby. What if I'm one of those women who just can't get pregnant? What if we have to adopt? What if we don't have the money to adopt? Will we be allowed to adopt? Then it was well we could use a surragate or donor eggs, but what if we can't afford that? I just couldn't stop thinking bad thoughts. Not that either of those two options are bad but I would much rather have my own child.
So here I sit on CD63, three days off provera and no AF. I haven't even seen a glimpse of her. The last period I had was very light, basically spotting for five days. That worried me then but I would be more than excited if I could see that now. I just keep hoping that one of these painful cramps is her starting and I have to rush to the bathroom but no...why would that be the case.
Today should be an interesting day. Full of cleaning the house and watching football. Joshua and I will probably discuss our future today. We are planning our farm. Hopefully that will take my mind off all the problems I have with myself.
When I went to bed last night I couldn't stop thinking about not being able to have a baby. What if I'm one of those women who just can't get pregnant? What if we have to adopt? What if we don't have the money to adopt? Will we be allowed to adopt? Then it was well we could use a surragate or donor eggs, but what if we can't afford that? I just couldn't stop thinking bad thoughts. Not that either of those two options are bad but I would much rather have my own child.
So here I sit on CD63, three days off provera and no AF. I haven't even seen a glimpse of her. The last period I had was very light, basically spotting for five days. That worried me then but I would be more than excited if I could see that now. I just keep hoping that one of these painful cramps is her starting and I have to rush to the bathroom but no...why would that be the case.
Today should be an interesting day. Full of cleaning the house and watching football. Joshua and I will probably discuss our future today. We are planning our farm. Hopefully that will take my mind off all the problems I have with myself.
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