Questions....

It hasn't quite been 24hrs yet since my first BFP and I'm still in shock. I just don't know how to act and I think the hubby is worse off than myself. He just looks at me and smiles. This morning when I walked out of the bathroom he was like "You have my baby in you" and I just looked at him and said, "Yes, I do."

He told me lastnight that he's going to try and be deployed for 90 days after he's done in August with his training for the extra money. He doesn't know what else to do at this point because he refuses to go active duty for the next four years of his 6 yr reserve contract. In a way I understand why, he isn't a 7-4, Monday through Friday person. He likes to do things on his own time. He will learn eventually though that that's just not how life works I suppose.

I'm pretty sure both of us are just nervous of the unknown. Are we going to be able to afford a baby, a child for the rest of our lives? Or at least the next 18yrs? Are we going to be good parents? Will the baby be healthy? Will I have a healthy pregnancy? Will I miscarry? As soon as I saw those two lines all these questions and more came flooding in. It's all stuff we have discussed before but it is so much more surreal now than it was in the past. Now we don't have anything but time and preparation until our little on is here. 

I'm trying to think positive thoughts because Joshua and I knew when we didn't prevent this pregnancy that we would have a lot of work ahead of us if I did indeed end up pregnant. I just find it ironic that we got pregnant the week he stopped smoking and the month I stopped stressing. God is good. He knows when the time is right. I don't think he would bless us with a child if we weren't able to care for him or her. Right?